tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
