you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
