Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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