My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.