please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch