you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you