Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
