Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.