grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
