Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
