Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
