so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
