You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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