Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your penis caused this!
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