i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
