She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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