Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
