First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
