the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
