Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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