It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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