Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
