If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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