What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
where does the pee come out of this thing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
