seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
