So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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