so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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