Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
