OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
