Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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