no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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