Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
