he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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