omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
