I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He did a backflip because drugs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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