remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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