I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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