It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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