i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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