waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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