Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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