Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
