I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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