Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
