So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
