Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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