Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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