Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
