and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
