Whod you bang
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
