this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
