It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize