Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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