the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
