That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
