you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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