I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
