All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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