The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
