Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
