no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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