my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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