:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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