wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
