You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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