He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am naked and annoyed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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