Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
