Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
