If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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