People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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