I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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