dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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