Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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