Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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