I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize