Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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