the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
