does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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