so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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