I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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